“The more stuff you love the happier you will be.”
― Ross Gay, The Book of Delights: Essays
Ross Gay, poet, author and studier of all things delight, has got it right. The more options you give yourself to be delighted, the more delighted you will be.
As a child of the 1980s, I recall a fun little ditty about happiness: “Don’t worry; be happy.” I sang it often. Teenageness awkwardly looming, I loudly and jubilantly wailed alongside Bobby McFerrin’s cheery a cappella.
Flash forward a few decades. Menopause sweatily looming, I reflect on the song’s core message and see it offered no way out of the madness of our minds. In fact, now I see it asked me and an entire generation to disassociate from our troubles. (!!!)
Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry, you make it double
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy now
HOW Bobby? HOW can we stop worrying and be happy?
I believe Julie Andrews has the answer. And why wouldn’t she? She’s Maria! AND Mary Poppins.
In “The Sound of Music” she extols the virtue of loving many things.
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
And then…she doles out hope in the wise words she croons in the chorus…
When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad
She actually sings the word sad in a song all about her favorite things. A nod to the very human fact that happiness and sadness go hand in hand.
Don’t take my word for it. Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, said it best: “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”
Equanimity (e·qua·nim·i·ty/ˌekwəˈnimədē,ˌēkwəˈnimədē) noun
Definition: mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
"She accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity"
Thank you, Carl. I agree. But how to find such equanimity? Self help books, blogs, TikToks and Reels all offer a promisedland of nirvana.
The frustrating truth is we’re all humans BEING with 7.951 billion (as of 2022) different stories. There is no one-size-fits all answer.
Or is there? It’s one I abhor, so you might despise it too. That’s fine. I actually think it’s part of the process.
It’s…sitting in stillness with the wealth of yourself and feeling it all. Whatever that means to you.
For some, meditation is the answer. I, personally, use guided meditation to lull me to blissful sleep. Zzzzzz….
Others swear by journaling. Entering into evidence my many filled-to-the-brim spiral-bound, college ruled notebooks. Plus, hundreds of meandering notes on my phone. I am solidly in this writing-to-better-see-yourself camp.
Ross Gay seems to be, too. Remember him from waaaay at the beginning? And his New York Times best-selling Book of Delights? He began that project with a few unfussy guidelines: “Write a delight every day for a year; begin and end on my birthday, August 1; draft them quickly; and write them by hand. The rules made it a discipline for me. A practice. Spend time thinking and writing about delight every day.”
A discipline. A practice.
You don’t have to journal. Or meditate (unless you’re looking for a lovely way into sleep…)
Simply notice what fills you up: Walking in nature. Napping with your favorite blanket. Smelling the lilacs. Then, do more of that.
It works.
But, don’t take my word for it. Charles Monroe “Sparky” Schultz, American cartoonist and creator of the comic strip Peanuts, said it best:
“Happiness is anyone and anything that's loved by you.”
Find your Snoopy Happy Dance!
Reflect on the things that make you sad or feel heavy.
Do less of that.
Think about what delights and lights you up.
Do THE MOST of that.
Never heard of "Delights", But I Love that! and of course the Snoopy happy dance (Beagle) Xo